Tomonthly and Glenn Part 2
I was allowed exactly seven minutes of recovery time before my new legal guardians, Tomonthly, and Glenn Marcoosie—whose name I learned from its being printed on my brand new birth certificate, death certificate, and “other certificate”—demanded we leave. Just outside of the exit Tomonthly spied a young girl wearing one of those "Virginia is for Lovers" t-shirts that were so popular in the early 90's. He spat onto his own midsection and growled, "Virginia? Lovers? I'll cast my stone up to the light if that's true!" For a moment he seemed to be deep in thought. Then with a single glance the poor girl disappeared into some unexplainable plane of existence and was replaced with a goat a cannibal and a worm. Marcoosie muttered something about it being a “fair trade market,” and I believe this to be some kind of begrudging acceptance of Tomonthly’s act. Even at this point into the trip, I knew better than to question Tomonthly's rants, to look at Tomonthly, or to even acknowledge or disavow Tomonthly’s existence. The only person I’ve ever seen do so, later freely admitted that Tomonthly is not only omnipresent and omnipotent, but that his urine really DOES taste like cake icing. "Virginia," Meldville continued, "is a state made up of equal parts cheese and bullshit. I've never been so upset as I am with you equating love with that state!” Even at this point in the journey I was at a loss for words, and I’d watched it all go down. Now, this may start to become a bit confusing, so I think before I continue I should devote a few words to explaining Glenn and Tomonthly.
What are Tomontly and Glenn capable of in the 21st century? These are the guys that single handedly built Cuba, in a fortnight. Marcoosie bleeds single malt whiskey, and Meldville's skin is covered with a fine layer of aluminum. I've seen them bite through solid brick and throw babies, by the dozen, down elevator shafts. Once they were convinced that not only was the world being overrun by bottle-nosed dolphins made entirely of antimatter, but that words themselves were poisoned by the dolphins. And while Marcoosie and Meldville are very different, they are both are guided by common tenets at times; values or ideas are often held common between them with a bit of personal variation.
